‘Ponyo’ is the latest animated creation from the Japanese animator Hayao Miyazaki, whom I consider one of the best directors of our time, having done ’My Neighbor Totoro’ and recent Oscar-winner ‘Spirited Away’. He captivates the audience not with one-liners or explosions but with images, with his incredible hand-drawn animation.
 
‘Ponyo’ is a variation of ‘The Little Mermaid’: A young fish named Ponyo rises from a Japanese shore, and is found by a 5-year old boy, Sosuke. They develop a very close friendship, although when she begins to transform into a human, her background as a princess comes to light and although she doesn’t know it, she wields a power that could bring an end to Earth.
 
‘Ponyo’ represents a somewhat rare thing these days: A simple story that doesn’t stoop to its audience, a heartfelt tale that doesn’t feel forced. Simply put: Mayazaki emulates the best of 1930′s-era Disney, which makes one feel depressed that you consider that recent Disney trash ‘G-Force’ stands at $104 million in ticket sales. ‘Ponyo’ has $6 million. 
 
One objection I have: To make the film more marketable to young audiences, Disney re-dubbed the film into English, using young siblings of Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Brothers as voices. They obviously did it to sort of slide their foot in the door for eventual super-stardom, whilst I would prefer more gifted voice actors to do the job. On the other hand, having Liam Neeson, Tina Fey, Cate Blanchett and Matt Damon as voices is simply awesome. 
 
I must make this open plea. Parents, want to expose your kids to great film-making? ‘Ponyo’ is as close to high art as children’s films can possibly get. A-

‘(500) Days of Summer’ is a huge breath of fresh air in a genre more cliche-ridden than any other: the romantic comedy. It’s still a basic boy-meets-girl story but it’s in a class all its own. ’500 Days of Summer’ is the story of Tom, who is looking for love and Summer, who doesn’t believe in love. The film jumps back and forth during the 500 days they are together, detailing the highs and lows of their friendship.

The film occasionally breaks the fourth wall, using an array of gimmicks, including one scene where the screen divides into two, displaying Tom’s expectations next to what actually happens. A song-and-dance sequence in the middle of L.A. is really fun. Similar to the Woody Allen comedy ‘Annie Hall’, theres enough plot twists and devices to keep it fresh and inventive, but they never get in the way of the story, they never get distracting.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel play the two lovers, Tom and Summer, both with charisma and charm. Levitt in particular is fantastic, who is giddy, but thoughtful and occasionally heartbroken. Zooey Deschanel is sort of impossible not to adore, she’s sort of been tuning the exact same dry, witty character to perfection since 2003′s ‘Elf’.

The film would have seemed cold and calculated had the characters not been so lovable – which essentially means that the actors are anchoring the film away from disaster. The film would have been a fiasco had the actors not had the charisma to handle the comedy, the depth to handle the drama, and simply if they didn’t have chemistry with each other. Luckily, both of the lead actors possess these three qualities and the film is great because of it.

‘(500) Days of Summer’ isn’t just another breezy, forgettable summer comedy. It’s got great acting, a hilarious script and doesn’t feel as calculated as all the other romantic comedies of the year. A-

My, my, my. Before my lifetime, films were either based on novels or were original stories by screenwriters. Now it seems all films are based on toys, video-games, are sequels, or remakes of a Japanese horror movie. ‘G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra’ is much, much better than a certain other summer blockbuster based on a toy. (I refuse to utter the words ‘Transformers 2′ outside of parentheses) ‘G.I. Joe’ doesn’t take itself seriously, but that’s no excuse for terrible dialogue, plotting, and some of the worst visual effects in a major summer film since the 1970s. On the other hand, to its credit, it does have one or two action sequences that are pretty mind-blowing.

In the film, two soldiers named Duke and Ripcord (go ahead, chuckle) are recruited to a special team called G.I. Joe who apparently are the back-up plan in case the United States is severely threatened. They are tasked to retrieve chemical warheads capable of demolishing several cities. The film attempts to feed us emotion when one of the people trying to take over the world is *shock* Duke’s ex-girlfriend! But she only went evil because she thought her brother was killed, but he’s alive and is really a bad guy! Let the corny emotional speeches ensue.

Now, I’ll try to be fair. The Paris chase sequence (which is a bit long at 30-some-odd minutes) is quite memorable. It throws exploding cars and buses at our protaganists, who annoyingly, still wise-crack even when the Eiffel Tower is toppled by a chemical missile. (Don’t ask. Please.) The film is weighed down by constant flashbacks, which include a random assortment of East Africa combat scenes and two adolescent karate students attempting to murder each other. (Once again, don’t ask. Pretty please.) And the visual effects (gritty voice). In my opinion, the special effects looked more like a PIXAR movie than a live action one.

This film is rife with awful dialogue. “Go get him, Ripcord!” “Nice move, Snake Eyes!” I recieved several bad looks in the theater during this film, given that I simply couldn’t stop laughing. Even when the characters are not talking, there’s some awful visual effect or failed melodramatic film that warrants laughter. Simply put: this might be the funniest film of the summer. And it doesn’t even realize it. D

‘G-Force’ may go down in history as the film that made me realize that I need to bring a notebook to the movies, be it to jot down observations, help me remember certain parts, note certain actors…Or to list all the truly horrific lines of dialogue that a film can possibly have. ‘G-Force’ is about talking guinea pigs that are actually secret agents. I have opted to not do a conventional review, but rather, list my reasons for my stance against ‘G-Force’ and to pose questions to the people that made it.

1. I hate the fact that it cost $150 million dollars. $150,000,000 TO FUND TALKING GUINEA PIGS. That’s like President Obama using a 5000th of our bailout to fund a kids movie.

2. Two Academy Award winners, Nicolas Cage and Penelope Cruz star in this, along with Bill Nighy and the hilarious star of ’30 Rock’, Tracy Morgan. So why do they pool their talents into voicing lifeless animals with one-dimensional personalities? Money probably, but doesn’t it shame their resume to list ‘G-Force’ next to ‘Vicky Cristina Barcelona’, next to ‘Moon’?

3. The fact that it thinks it’s so hip, that it thinks because it randomly samples classic quotes from ‘Apocalypse Now’ and ‘Terminator 2′ that it’s clever when it’s really just stealing lines from other, better movies? When a talking guinea pig screams “PIMP MY RIDE” randomly you know the film’s trying to cater to an older audience.

4. There’s nary a recent hit song that isn’t pointlessly edited into this. Try counting how many times they play “Boom Boom Pow” or “I Gotta Feeling”.

5. The fact that in the film, the villain plots to take over the world with coffee machines.

6. The number of self-important, melodramatic speeches that the film takes seriously, but you can hear the cringe in the actors’ voices. Try not to chuckle when one character says “Lets do it for Speckles!”.

7. One very simple line of dialogue from an FBI agent: “Calling all units! Calling all units! We are in pursuit of four guinea pigs. in a gerbil wheel!”

8. The film’s premise is that there’s a team of genetically engineered, walking, talking guinea pigs, correct? Except that there’s a twist at the end…They’re just normal guinea pigs that were told they were special, you follow me? But here’s the trick. This means all 500 billion rodents can all perform superhuman feats, i.e., talking. And yet there’s an entire FBI division devoted to making animals talk, would the employees of said division pretend to enhance them and “make them talk” to fake progress to their bosses? And if all these rodents could talk, how could everyone with a pet guinea pig could not notice? How come a kid steals one of the guinea pigs and when the pet screams “Woo-hoo!” there’s no reaction from him? And how come there’s ANOTHER plot twist toward the end that reveals one of the team is secretly a bad guy but yet there’s literally just a 5-second explanation for his motives to eliminate mankind?

9. Why on Earth is the poster for ‘G-Force’ donning a huge slogan saying “The world needs bigger heroes” when the heroes are nine inches tall? It makes no sense unless you view it sarcastically, which I doubt Disney would do.

10. Perhaps most of all, I despise this because it’s going to be so successful. I imagine Disney’s putting a dozen writers to an assembly line to crank out a sequel, not to mention toys, video games, probably a TV show. It’s an endless, self-sufficient enterprise built on cute CGI rodents.

Now, if you walk in as an adult, you will walk out with anger or a migraine. Walk in as a child, you’ll forget half the film halfway to the car. To walk into ‘G-Force’ is to burn $10 and 1000 brain cells. If I haven’t made my position clear enough, ‘G-Force’ is trash. F

Harry Potter no longer lives in the light-headed, PG fluff fantasy world that he occupied in the early Potter films. As the very first shot of the film suggests simply by its color palette, this film is rather bleak. It centers on the raging hormones of the teenagers at the magical academy, but also builds a feeling of dread for the inevitable confrontation with the evil Lord Voldemort. Another thing the film gets right? It displays flashbacks to when he was a young, troubled although brilliant wizard. Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince is a blend of compelling drama, comedic relief, and the characters that we have grown to love over 8 years, Harry, Ron and Hermione.

A brief summary for those unfamiliar to Harry Potter. (though the existence of such a person is doubtful) In an alternate universe parallel to ours, there’s a magical school called Hogwarts. Voldemort is an evil former student, bent on destroying anything and everything. In their sixth year at Hogwarts, the three friends Harry, Ron and Hermione face a new terror considered evil to many: Romance. Love is in the air at Hogwarts, wrecking friendships along with it. The school’s headmaster Dumbledore, who faced death with Harry the previous year wants Harry to retrieve a memory from a teacher, that could help them defeat Voldemort.

Lots of names and places named in that summary will likely be hard to understand for those unfamiliar with Potter. Although all the Potter die-hards (and there are millions) know that a strong-suit of the series is how it juggles different characters, places, spells and stories and remains coherent. Since we have practically watched these actors grow up, ‘Half-Blood Prince’ really makes you realize what an achievement in film filming this series of books is. Not just simply all the action sequences, sets and such, but making you care for these people, even so much as a minor character like Hagrid or Neville. Throughout all the different directors the series has employed, they all let the characters develop and progress over time without it seeming arbitrary. You become so engrossed in the series, seeing a place like the Great Hall being demolished (minor spoilers) in this film makes you sort of wince.

The actors are all getting better and better. This is the first film since ‘Prisoner of Azkaban’ to really focus primarily on the emotions of the characters, instead of events they are put through. Because of this, the material they are given has more weight to it. Not just relationship troubles (and there are many) but troubles accepting who they are and what they inevitably must do. Draco Malfoy, Harry’s nemesis who in the other movies was an annoying brat here matures, and is the revelation of the film. Here he does more than sneer and brag, but is actually a central part of the plot.

I think proof-reading this review made me realize just how much I enjoyed Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. There’s not much more to be said, except that I simply cannot wait for the 5-hour, 2-part final installment of this series. November 19, 2010 can’t come any longer. A

Johnny Depp portrays infamous 1930s bank robber John Dillinger in ‘Public Enemies’. Director Michael Mann has made a career out of making stylish action epics with great shootouts and interesting characters. ‘Public Enemies’ is no doubt stylish, it no doubt has great shootouts, but the characters are a bit flat. There’s no real character development during the 150 minute running time. The film simply shows a year-long view into the final year of Dillinger’s life. He is portrayed as cold, precise and mechanical, but the film is made quite differently.

It’s loose and swift in execution and feel, partially because of the handheld cameras used to film it, partially because of the mostly banjo and roots-oriented soundtrack. This gives the film an uneven feeling, given the large contrast between the subject matter and the handling of the subject matter.

The film is set in 1933, starting when John Dillinger breaks out his gang members out of prison. Dillinger travels the country, looting millions of dollars from banks along the way in a year-long crime spree. He becomes something of a hero to the country, given that in the Great Depression banks obviously weren’t well regarded by the public. At this time, FBI agent Melvin Purvis (Christian Bale) has been assigned to capture Dillinger, by any means necessary. Neither men will give up without a fight.

The last couple times Johnny Depp was in a major blockbuster, he was either a drunken pirate or a barber who cut up his customers into meat pies (literally), so this is a sort of return to a “normal” character for him. However, it shows the eccentricity of most of his roles when a low-key character for him is a legendary bank robber. He is perfect in this. Christian Bale is a bit underused in this film, given that he’s probably the best actor of our generation. He’s very good, but he’s mostly in action scenes and not many dramatic moments of dialogue. That said, he looks insanely cool firing off a Tommy gun with one hand.

Which brings us to probably the best aspects of the film – the shootouts. This film doesn’t too many, but the ones it does have are unforgettable. The best part of the film is a 30-minute sequence where Dillinger’s in a house secluded in the woods, surrounded by his accomplices. There’s four cars outside packed with armed federal agents. The results are classic, worthy of the best scenes in Sergio Leone’s The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly and director Michael Mann’s own Heat. Like I said earlier the cinematography is loose and wild, but it is gorgeous. You can tell lots of effort goes into the sets and costumes, it replicates the era with incredible detail, and will likely net the film some Oscar nominations come February.

Public Enemies is a well-acted, gorgeously shot crime film with some great action and one or two scenes that are simply unforgettable. It’s a bit uneven and has some pacing issues, but thats easily forgiven. If only every summer film was this good. A-

‘Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs’ is by the far the best ‘Ice Age’ film so far. It’s the best because the animation is now on a whole new level, as photorealistic as it gets, only enhanced by the 3-D. It’s the best because its way more action-oriented, focusing on the more slapstick elements that really sort of lacked in the first two. And simply, the first two ‘Ice Ages’ were kinda boring in the first place.

It features the same characters, who all behave and talk as if they were in a sitcom. Manny the Mammoth with his pregnant wife Ellie, the weird but charming sloth Sid, and the tough saber-tooth tiger Diego. Their outlandish adventures are continued in this film when, despite them being in an ice age they stumble upon an underground world populated with…you guessed it. Dinosaurs.

As I said, the animation is gorgeous. Waterfalls, dinosaurs, mountains. It’s all looking gorgeous, and the animators here outdo themselves, rivaling Pixar sometimes. This film and 3-D were practically made for each other, all the three-dimensional vistas are simply spectacular. The plot itself? Sort of weak, person gets kidnapped, friends bond in quest to find him, yada yada yada. Rather predictable. The elements of Manny trying to deal with fatherhood would be more poignant if it hadn’t been done in 15 million other animated films, and films in general.

On the other hand, one doesn’t go to ‘Ice Age’ movies for plot. They go for slapstick, for action, and they go because their kids force them to. This is, however, a standout animated movie for its gorgeous animation, impressive action, and – what else? The awesome 3-D. B+

‘My Sister’s Keeper’ is a movie as calculated and forced as its main character, a young girl genetically conceived to provide spare organs for her cancer stricken sister. It knows who will watch it: Teenage girls, their mothers, and women looking for a weepy film in the vein of ‘A Walk to Remember’ or ‘The Notebook’. These women should be mostly pleased, although the film in its last half alternates randomly between weepy family drama and a courtroom battle.

Anna is an 11-year old girl, who as already said, was conceived to provide spare organs and blood for her older sister Kate, who suffers from acute leukemia. She becomes sick of always being the donor child and sues her parents for the rights to her own body. Her parents, however, think there is an ulterior motive. Meanwhile, Kate falls in love with a fellow cancer patient, Taylor.

Many, many plot points are forgotten as the film progresses. In one moment, Cameron Diaz shaves her head, to make her sick child laugh and feel better. When the scene is over, her hair is back to normal. Also within the courtroom, Diaz seems furious at Anna, disgusted at the very idea that she would sue her own mother. Out of the courtroom, they all blow bubbles and laugh and play. Inconsistencies among characters are the film’s biggest problem.

When it comes to performances, ‘My Sisters Keeper’ delivers. Abigail Breslin fleshes out her character to the extent that she displays a wise side, in wanting control over her decisions and taking that desire to court, and a youthful side when asking about boys, when playing with her sister. Cameron Diaz plays way against type as the mother of Anna and Kate, and is pretty good. She portrays a mother unwilling to let go of her daughters, and Diaz formally breaks out of the ‘Cute Girl’ role that she’s been typecast as, all these years. Sofia Vassilieva as Kate, the girl with the leukemia is the breakout star of the film. She portrays a teenage girl that knows she will die soon, but tries to find love before she does. It’s heart-wrenching stuff.

Obviously the acting is well-done, although as said earlier there are problems with continuity. It aims to tug at your heart-strings and succeeds. ***/****

Jack Black, Michael Cera, Paul Rudd and Harold Ramis are all extremely talented comedic actors, who just starred in the worst film of their career together. ‘Year One’ is awful on several levels, one being that its entire concept is stolen from other, better films. (‘Life of Brian’, ‘History of the World Part I’) Another that it never utilizes this concept to earn any laughs, there is a grand total of one chuckle in the entire film. The final complaint is that with such a great crew, there was a chance for greatness.

Harold Ramis, come on. You’ve done ‘Caddyshack’ and ‘Groundhog Day’ for crying out loud, when you make a movie I expect an effort to make us laugh. Jack Black, Michael Cera, when people give you a script this awful, force them to re-write it or burn it and catch the soonest flight away from that area. They look bored and embarrassed out of their minds, and I don’t blame them.

After all, the entire story of the film is…well, nothing. It’s Year 1, AD. Two cavemen, Zed and Oh, are banished from their small village. From there they run into several biblical figures, such as Abraham and Isaac, and doomed brothers Cain and Abel. In the film they speak as if they were all modern 20-something slackers. This includes Cain saying to Abel, “Your name isn’t Abel, your name is SUCK”. It’s cringe-inducing to watch, it is the most spectacularly unfunny film in a long time.

The blooper reel? Probably staged. Still not funny. ‘Year One’ was a depressing film to watch, and this has been a depressing review to write. If by some divine miracle you ignore my plea and don’t see ‘Year One’, be sure to catch it in the $2 bin at Wal-Mart in about eight months. 0*/****

‘Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen’ is the dumbest movie in a long time. I never really understood when people complained about a film’s length, but ‘Transformers’ changed that. I never thought that there could be truly too much action in a summer movie, that explosions could numb one to the point of a headache. ‘Transformers’ has changed that. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a movie as numbing, as desensitizing to the mind and spirit as ‘Transformers 2′. Well, who knows. There’s always ‘Monopoly: The Movie’ and ‘G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra’.

Want a synopsis? Best of luck, it’s impossible to decipher a plot. There’s good Transformers and bad Transformers, alien robots that conveniently morph into Chevy cars (blatant product placement 101) In the last movie teenager Sam Witwicky and his girlfriend Mikaela helped the good guys beat the bad guys. But the bad guys are back! *shock* You know the drill. Somehow, symbology, the pyramids of Giza, the Smithsonian complex and star patterns are involved. Cue the robot-techno-babble and non-stop explosions.

There is literally so much action going on in every frame of the film that you can’t distinguish one plot point from another, one character or one purpose. It’s just to blow stuff up. The first ‘Transformers’ was awesome because (A) it never took itself seriously and (B) it balanced tons of action with a coherent plot and characters that weren’t completely one-dimensional. It wasn’t exactly a character study of the highest order, but at least it tried to make you care for all the characters. Here, the characters act like the robots they co-star with, many existing to further the plot, without it ever actually making sense. All emotion is wiped out from every human in this movie. It’s sorta disturbing.

Director Michael Bay executes this fiasco rather well. The explosions give you a migraine after 15 minutes, but it takes talent to coordinate all of them, I grant him. Megan Fox is decent as the eye-candy girlfriend who otherwise does nothing to advance the plot. Shia LaBeouf says his lines and runs from robots, nothing more. The visual effects are sure to win awards, although I realized the Transformers only do any transforming about three times in the 2 1/2 hour movie.

Some highlights of the film: The lead teenagers and some Transformers barge into the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum, which is right in the middle of downtown Washington DC. They find a robot to help them, but the robot escapes by knocking a hole in the back wall. When they follow him, they step outside and are suddenly in a Nevada desert. Logic is completely abandoned. Other moments of the films “high-brow” humor include a two-foot tall Transformer caressing Megan Fox in an inappropriate way (played for laughs), and a giant 20-story tall Transformer with two wrecking balls dangling in between his legs, during a supposedly dramatic scene. Yes, you read that correctly.

My point through all this being that ‘Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen’ has no soul. No heart. Evidently, no mind. It wants to blow stuff up and sell tickets, but it also demands something else. Painkillers for the intense headaches this trash will give you. ‘Transformers’ is awful, pure and simple. 1/2*/****