My, my, my. Before my lifetime, films were either based on novels or were original stories by screenwriters. Now it seems all films are based on toys, video-games, are sequels, or remakes of a Japanese horror movie. ‘G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra’ is much, much better than a certain other summer blockbuster based on a toy. (I refuse to utter the words ‘Transformers 2′ outside of parentheses) ‘G.I. Joe’ doesn’t take itself seriously, but that’s no excuse for terrible dialogue, plotting, and some of the worst visual effects in a major summer film since the 1970s. On the other hand, to its credit, it does have one or two action sequences that are pretty mind-blowing.

In the film, two soldiers named Duke and Ripcord (go ahead, chuckle) are recruited to a special team called G.I. Joe who apparently are the back-up plan in case the United States is severely threatened. They are tasked to retrieve chemical warheads capable of demolishing several cities. The film attempts to feed us emotion when one of the people trying to take over the world is *shock* Duke’s ex-girlfriend! But she only went evil because she thought her brother was killed, but he’s alive and is really a bad guy! Let the corny emotional speeches ensue.

Now, I’ll try to be fair. The Paris chase sequence (which is a bit long at 30-some-odd minutes) is quite memorable. It throws exploding cars and buses at our protaganists, who annoyingly, still wise-crack even when the Eiffel Tower is toppled by a chemical missile. (Don’t ask. Please.) The film is weighed down by constant flashbacks, which include a random assortment of East Africa combat scenes and two adolescent karate students attempting to murder each other. (Once again, don’t ask. Pretty please.) And the visual effects (gritty voice). In my opinion, the special effects looked more like a PIXAR movie than a live action one.

This film is rife with awful dialogue. “Go get him, Ripcord!” “Nice move, Snake Eyes!” I recieved several bad looks in the theater during this film, given that I simply couldn’t stop laughing. Even when the characters are not talking, there’s some awful visual effect or failed melodramatic film that warrants laughter. Simply put: this might be the funniest film of the summer. And it doesn’t even realize it. D